RAINY DAY

Man, oh, man. I had yesterday (which was warm and sunny) off and I spent most the day in doors: cleaning, laundry, manicure.

And, OF COURSE, today is the day I had planned to go fishing, biking and on a sail boat ride. Well the fishing was just too damn early- 7am (no thanks). But the rest, just like Milli Vanilli "sang" I'm blaming it on the rain.

What is a girl to do? Museum, movie...blah.

I should problem do something charitable, like volunteer at an old folks home but in all honesty I will probably end up at a bar at some point. I pray that this old timer will be at the bar and I can can get a little geriatric fix. I will tell all my friends that I selflessly spent the day watching an old geez who, in turn, taught me a lot about life, love, fitness and dignity. I'm feeling better already!

Back to old men, who I love dearly- I have to share something disturbing with you that I always come across with these old gems at the bar. Having quite a few tattoos, I often get asked a lot of these questions by the over 60 blokes:

"What do your parents think about those?"

"You know that's gonna be there your whole life?!"

"How are you ever gonna find a boy to marry you?" (that was my own father)

Well after five or six beers (out of a little glass- old men always drink beer out of a little glass!!!) the questions always take a turn for the worse:

"So where else do you have tattoos?"

"Do you have any below the belt?"

ICK! GROSS! No! It's so weird on so many levels.

First of all, I understand men over 60 continue to have sexual thoughts but Gramps, I am half your age. Let's not talk about my vagina. Second, what kind of trashy ho tattoos her labia? If I am giving off the vibe that I would have someone draw out a stencil, gently place it on my muffin and then lay there with my legs spread eagle while they operate heavy machinery on my nether regions please tell me what I'm doing wrong! Third, what kind of tattoo would you even get down there? Fire? someone's name? smoke!? "Welcome" sign? "Come again"? I need not know. Not in my plans.

We can count that out for things for me to do today.

I leave you with a shot to help erase those foul images:

FLAMING DR. PEPPER

3/4 shot glass filled with Amaretto

Slowly top off shot glass with Bacardi 151

1/2 Pint of beer (cheap American beer is good)

Light shot glass on fire, drop in and chug.

Careful not to spill. You'll light your ass on fire.

And there are hilarious, tattooed lady part pics on the web (most photoshopped) but I will let you find them yourself...